Goosey Gander

Goosey goosey gander
Where shall I wander
Upstairs or downstairs
Or in my lady's chamber
There I met an old man
Who would not say his prayers
So I took him by his left leg
And threw him down the stairs

There's a reason it was the left leg and not the right one? I always wandered about that when my mom told me this rhyme.

Anyways, I digress...

Waaaaaay back in the 80's when I was still a little kid, we were staying on a small holding in a farm community. We loved it and had a lot of friends and between us we would visit and be visited all the time. We'd tell my mom we were popping over to see so-and-so and then dash off laughing and picking blackberries along the way. The dirtier we got the better...in fact, by the time we'd get to our destination we were filthy and we would then compare dirt smudges with our buddies. It was the greatest time and I'll never forget playing hide and seek in amongst the bramble bushes...snacking on brambles and getting red juice stains on my clothes, all over my face and on my hands and legs and arms. It was life at its best!
(bear with me, I do have a point, your honour)
On our little farm, as we called it, we had two geese. Their names, were Biddy and Buddy (I'll leave you to decide which was which though it shouldn't be too hard....cos I'm going to tell you now anyways). Biddy used to lay these huge eggs and my dad told my sister and I that we were in charge of collecting them. What fun! At least, we thought it was fun until our first expedition.

My younger sister and I gathered at the bottom of the garden to plan a strategy of how to get the eggs. We decided to go for the subtle approach. We nonchalently per-accidently walked past the nest a couple of times and counted how many eggs there were. There were two. Great!! One each. We walked past the nest a third time and then made a grab for an egg each and then it was full steam ahead. We ran hell-for-leather up to the house, but we weren't fast enough! Halfway up the hill, Biddy caught up to us, with Buddy in tow, and boy did we get a pecking for stealing her eggs!!! She was so upset that we had the audacity to even think about taking her eggs that she added a screeching squawk to the pecking and I think that frightened us more than the pecking did *giggle*

The next day we got to show our friends our magnificently blue and purple bruises (don't EVER let me hear you say that it couldn't possibly have caused a bruise...you don't know our animals, they're sadists and delight in the impossible!) and brag about how we got them. Of course, come that afternoon we weren't bragging anymore...we were almost begging my mom not to make us go back out there and do it again. However, my dad had given us a job to do so we had to do it. Surely we could think of something to distract the geese? That was it! Yours truly got the job of distracting the irate Biddy and Buddy and my sister said she would grab the eggs and flee. So, that's what we did. I irritated the geese until they were ready to peck my eyes out and whilst I was so doing, my sister grabbed the eggs and sprinted as fast as her short little stubby legs could go up the hill. It wasn't fast enough though. Biddy gave an outraged shriek and off she shot like a bolt of lightning after my very unfortunate sister.

The next day, as I was gloating over the fact that I didn't have any bruises at all this time and that my old bruises were finally turning to a faded yellowish green color, my mother came in and said that today I would have to get the eggs on my own because she had to take my sister to the dentist.
Hoooooooboy....did I only regret the gloating!! That evening I showed my sister the three spectacularly purple/black bruises forming on my arm and leg. She gave a delighted chortle and after that I was forgiven for being so nasty the previous day.

The next day, however, it was back to teamwork, but that evening my sister was even more bruised and pecked than any previous time. She went crying to my dad and he then gave her this very wise advice.
Sweetheart, when Biddy comes up to bite you, you must turn around, grab her by the neck, give her a good shaking and tell her not to chase you. She won't chase you or peck you again. Try it!

Well, the next day was no different to the other previous days. My sister and I went through our strategy, changed a few things and then made a dash for the nest. Biddy took off after my sister the moment she got her hands on the eggs but this time she was in for a surprise.
My sister heard Biddy gaining on her and all of a sudden she stopped short, turned around and grabbed the very surprised Biddy by her neck, shook her till her beak started making snapping noises, and yelled "Don't you bite me!!! Don't you bite me!!!" Buddy was so surprised to see his lady being shaken about like that, he couldn't manage more than an open-beaked stare. I was quite surprised myself but I didn't say a word, just watched.
My sister gave Biddy one more fierce shaking and then let her go. Biddy looked up, blinked, turned around and walked sedately away! Buddy stared for a moment and then walked after her.

My sister looked at their retreating backs, chortled delightfully and ran home to tell my dad that his advice had worked. My dad was caught quite off guard because he hadn't meant that she should really actually do it! Hahahaha...we had a good laugh about it and even now we still tell this story to people around a braai fire or family gathering.