Sunday, November 16, 2008

I'll Be Okay


Whenever things are going wrong
You lift me up and keep me strong
I check my mails more than once day
Just to read what you have to say

Without you here I cannot stay
I know with you I'll be okay
Without your smile I cannot see
I'm complete when you're with me

You give me wings so I can fly
And wipe away the tears I cry
With you around my life is filled
The fears in me have all been stilled

Don't ask me why, I don't have a clue
But my happy pill in life is you

Monday, October 06, 2008

Message to all readers!

Dear All,

I haven't been on for a while to write but I will back soon to revamp and refurnish my blog! I've needed to get my life in order first, but my writing shall follow :-)

Thank you to all who have been reading my blog and leaving comments, it is always a pleasure to hear from you!

Best wishes,
Angel

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

If you leave me now...

I was sitting here last night thinking about what story I could tell you next and whilst I was sitting here thinking, I was listening to a song which gave me an idea about what to write. So, I know I have written about cycling before but only once so I thought I would write a few more lines about my cycling experiences.

Cycling isn't hard...you put both feet on the pedals and make your legs go up and down. That's what I was told quite a few years ago, but cycling is really so much more than that. Its about trust, friendship and most of all its about freedom. You become friends with your bike, learn to trust it to carry you through the ride and when you're on one you do actually feel pretty free. This might sound far-fetched to some people but once you have gotten onto a bike and are pedaling your way through a forest filled with dark corners and unknown ground, your bike becomes not only a mode of transport but also something that could cause a lot of pain when not used properly.

My bike was a Nishiki, it was blue and purple and had stickers all over it which I tried to scrub off once but instead just managed to get rid of some of the paintwork. I called my bike "She-Devil" because she never did what I wanted her to do, when I wanted her to do it. I was always in for a surprise when I got into the saddle but it made my cycling episodes very interesting. One time my sister, dad and I went into the forest to go for a ride and get some fresh air. I got a little more fresh air than I bargained for!

We were cycling happily down a little trail, going through these loop-de-loops (we called them that because they twisted, turned, looped up and over and were just all around fun!) and then all of a sudden, before I could wipe my eyes out, the others had disappeared and once again I found myself all alone. That song "If you Leave me Now" started running through my mind and I was singing along to the "oooo hoooo ooooo hooo no baby please don't go" part and so wasn't really paying attention to where I was going. Bad move! I passed a lizard who looked at me, rolled his eyes and promptly stuck his tongue out at me. Smiling, I turned to look in front of me....and I can't really remember what happened after that because next thing I knew I was flying through the air, clinging like a mad woman to my bike!

I had taken a turn and ended up on the drop-off trail. The one I went down was like a suicide trip and how I managed to make it out on the other side....well, I made it but I was completely winded, breathless and scared out of my mind! There was nothing thrilling about what I had been through. One minute I was cycling along minding my own business...well, more of less, I did wonder what the lizard was doing....when the ground suddenly disappeared and I was cycling on air! It was the biggest drop I have ever gone down and at the bottom there was a little river and some sort of makeshift bridge. I wobbled my way over it and when I got to the other side I fell off and just lay there trying to remember how to breathe and get some air ~chuckle~
In the distance I could hear someone calling and when I finally got up and dusted myself off I saw my dad and sister cycling towards me. That's when the adrenaline kicked in and I was totally pumped to tell them what I had just been through!!

My sister listened to me quietly and then charmingly pointed out that they'd been doing that particular "little" drop-off for the past ten minutes and had got bored of it so had moved on to the BIG ones. Right....pop went my little adrenaline bubble.
Oh well, it was big for me and since I am not really a cycling guru it was pretty much the top point of my cycling career.
After that little incident I started paying more attention to where I was going and less attention to the songs that were running through my mind. I certainly shan't be singing "Far Far Away" when cycling because I could end up ANYWHERE!

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Workaholic

You've worked all day and now its night
But there's still so much to do
Its dark outside, switch on the light
Its sad but yet so true

You should be home tucked into bed
Sweet dreams not far behind
But work is what is in your head
I think you've lost your mind

So I stay up and wait for you
To finish and drive home
Make sure you're safe, its what I do
Don't want you to feel alone

I admire what you do each day
And even working nights
I admire you in every way
Now please switch off those lights

Its time to sleep and time to dream
You've been up far too long
Soon the sun will shine her beam
You'll wake with morning song



Monday, September 01, 2008

Candy

I met a black dog with a white spot
She bounded right up to me
I was in the park, 5pm on the dot
Sitting under the old oak tree

Her eyes they pleaded "play with me"
She had even brought a log
She was very strong, that I could see
Yet seemed a lonely sort of dog

I named her Candy, it just seemed right
I took her home with me
And every day when it got light
We sat under the old oak tree

Spring

All around its green not brown
Lift me up, don't break me down
Smile and send me on my way
Smile because its Spring today

Flowers growing everywhere
Sun is shining, life is fair
I hear laughter in my dream
With picnics and cold whipped cream

I'm full of pep and zip and go
So much more than you'll ever know
The birds are singing in the trees
I've even made friends with the bees

Enjoy the Spring day whilst you can
If you're not outside then make a plan
You only get one life, you see
So why not LIVE today with me

Thursday, August 14, 2008

My Promise

I used to think the world would be
A better place when rid of me
Then I changed, but so did you
You promised we would make it through

You made me choose, but said no rush
You said 'no pressure', yet you push
So I chose but now you're gone
You promised you would never run

You said you'd understand no matter what
Do you remember all of that?
I made mistakes, don't we all?
But it wasn't me who made you fall

You said no matter what we'd be fine
That your friendship would always be mine
Yet now its you that's running away
Its what you accused me of just yesterday

You said I don't know what I want
You said to chase it but I can't
I know enough to wait for you
To keep my promise to be true

The choice you make is up to you
I'll still be here no matter what you do
I know where I'm going and what I want
But I know how to wait in this instant

Someday I will have my hearts desires
I'll wait, I'll make it through these fires
Maybe one day if you really try
You will understand, you'll know why

I may be young, and stupid too
But I will remain true to you
Its a promise that I have made
Your friendship is something I cannot trade

Monday, August 11, 2008

To Make A Choice

Once again I'm standing there
Yet again too scared to share
Feelings hidden deep inside
Mind and heart are open wide

You arrived when others left
Helped me when I felt bereft
Gave me friendship strong and true
Made me need much more of you

Now I have to choose once more
Choose between two open doors
Mind says this way, heart says that
At the pitch, I have to bat

I've lived one way all of my life
To live another would just bring strife
I do not make this decision with ease
All I ask, don't hate me, please!

Its for the best, forgive me, do
Its so very hard to have to leave you
I hope that we can still stay friends
I hope our friendship never ends





Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Paper Weight



Remind me to never wish for an eventful day!! I got into work this morning and thought "I really wish today would be eventful, that something would happen!" and it did!!!

I hadn't even got settled into my chair before the boss arrived and then there was a mountain of paperwork staring at me from all over. I caught a glimpse of my pen having hysterics under a pile of invoices but I had barely rescued it when I was bombarded with a stack of faxes coming in and my printer was humming so loudly it sounded like it was ready to take off.
I finally got some sort of order on my desk but just as I sat down to start tackling the mess, another pile of papers toddled in from somewhere else and total chaos ensued. My mobile was having battery palpitations and threatening death to any invoice stupid enough to come near him, and my boss came in with a client and before I had managed to get control of everything there was more work.

Funny thing is...I actually LIKE it like this. I get kept so busy I don't notice the time and by the time I do glance at the clock, its almost home time and I get to look forward to locking up the shed and the office and making my way home.

Oops! Got to dash, the butler is stomping across my screen trying to draw my attention to the fact that I have emails!

Have a great day :)

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Song For Friends

Inside the heart of everyone
There is a special song
One we can't stop singing
Once we have begun

It is the song that keeps us strong
And keeps us moving on
Reminds us why we get along
It is our special song

I'd like to share my song with you
You are a friend indeed
Our friendship is both strong and true
Today I give my song to you

Monday, July 21, 2008

So It Goes

I hide behind a great big wall

Hide my broken heart from all

I hide my pain behind the pose

No on sees it, I suppose


And so it goes, every single day

So very hard to keep tears at bay

Pretend I’m strong, keep the smile

Whilst thinking of you a little while

Engravings

The very first time I saw your smile

Is engraved upon my heart

The very first time I saw your tears

Is engraved upon my heart

Engraved so that I can’t forget

In sanctuaries safe and strong

Monday, July 14, 2008

Blessings

I wake up each morning, draw a deep breath

Look out of my window to see the sun’s reach

Hear the friendly call of a bird passing by

Know I can do anything if I just try

These are blessings of both mind and soul

Blessings that help us to reach our goal

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I never knew

I used to think facing the world was the thing to do
I used to think that strength was all I needed
I used to think I could stand alone
I never knew I needed you

I never knew till you smiled at me
I never knew till you held my hand
I never knew you were my strength
I was blind but now I see

I used to think so selfishly
Of me and all my own
All I saw was my happiness
Until the day I hurt you

Now I wish all past undone
I'd turn back the clock today
To erase the pain I caused you
And ease the hurt you feel

Forgive me for my foolishness
For selfishness and youth
I never knew I was hurting you
Or disappointing you so much

I used to think facing the world was the thing to do
I used to think that strength was all I needed
I used to think I could stand alone
I never knew I needed you

I never knew till you smiled at me
I never knew till you held my hand
I never knew you were my strength
I was blind but now I see


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Two Halves

It takes two halves of heart and mind
Two halves of love and hope
It takes two halves of give and share
Two halves to form a whole

When we are born into this world
All we have is just a half
A half that we must give away
To form the whole we need

And once that half is given away
It can never be returned
I gave my half to you, you see
And that is how I know

It takes two halves of heart and mind
Two halves of love and hope
It takes two halves of give and share
Two halves to form a whole

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Domain of my Heart

Never look back, look forward they say
No matter the past, what counts is today
Forget all the tears, the pain and the fears
It's all left behind when a new day appears

And yet its all there deep inside of me
All of the sorrow which the experts can't see
Though I move forward, the pain still remains
Memories of words in my heart's deep domains

So hard to let go of what's over and done
So hard to control the urge to just run
Away from the hurt that burns deep inside
Away from the memories from which I can't hide

Never look back, look forward they say
No matter the past, what counts is today
Though I can't forget all the tears, pain and fears
Despite all of this, a new days still appears

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Tag You're It!!

Alrighty then, it seems that I will have to do something about being tagged by Bungi, so here we go. I am supposed to write a title for my Memoirs and its only allowed to be six words long and then I have to tag five other people. Hmmm...let's see...six words is a bit short but here goes.

The World According to Angel Weed

And now I tag in turn Sinister Spinster (she seems to have disappeared though), James (if he's still out there), Ian (I can't WAIT to read The Milkman!!), Sarge Dub (I'll visit soon) and errr....and oh yes, Cablog!!

There we go, have fun guys :)

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Moments

It took a moment to be born
A lifetime to grow old
When next I blinked my heart was torn
My memories old and worn

Only a moment to fall in love
An eternity to be loved
Previous moments fitting hand in glove
Miracles received from above

A moment to say some hasty words
No going back, it seems
The sound of clashing verbal swords
To be heard in this hate-filled world

But a moment to befriend you
First meetings never forgot
A moment and our friendship grew
Each day refreshed anew

Monday, May 26, 2008

Not For the Faint Hearted...or Those of Faint Stomach

So many of my memories have been made whilst living on the farm that it is hard for me to find a beginning or an end. One point (there are some people that know me well enough to realise my points never normally stand still long enough to be made or to be put across) that constant comes to mind is that of our drinking water, or rather, the lack of it.

We are constant having problems with the drinking water on the farm because the reservoir/dam that the water is held in isn't closed up and so it's constantly dirty. Now, before I carry on let me just say that things have become better but not drastically so. also, when the reservoir runs out, the farm workers will sometimes pump through water from the big dam at the far side of the farm. The water from that dam most CERTAINLY isn't clean and not really fit for drinking, no matter how many time you purify it.

The little reservoir/dam where the drinking water is kept has only recently been closed up whereas before it used to stand open. This is where we picked up a lot of very big and smelly problems - baboons.
The local baboon tribe took to using our water reservoir as some sort of "punishing" routine for their young ones. When they didn't come if called they were dunked in and out of the water and then tossed aside.
Unfortunately, arguments frequently arose as to whose young ones were to blame for which crime and one day the wrong baby got dunked by a baboon NOT it's mother and the result was that within 20 minutes there were eight grown baboons left inside the reservoir whilst all the other ran off to get help. Problem is, they got rather distracted along the way and ended up forgetting all about their buddies who were left to drawn.
The worst of it is...we only found out 8 days later! By this time......oh, first of all, before I go further I should say that if you get squeamish easily you shouldn't read further.

Right, by this time the 8 baboons had effectively started to decompose and the first we knew about it was when we all got a serious case of stomach flu. My dad suggested we go and check the water reservoir and, when we did, it was all I could do not to cast up the accounts right there! It was very, very gross and so I left my dad and younger sister to delve deeper into the matter whilst I trotted home to a sweeter smelling environment.

It took a week or more to get proper water tanks in but at least they're there now and they are a definite improvement to baboon-flavored water!
HOORAY!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

A New Leaf, A New Look

I have decided to revamp my blog to fit in with the revamping of my life. I just felt like a change and apparently a change is as good as a holiday. However, since I have had more than enough holidaying this year, I have decided to throw myself back into my work and have even thought about studying further although the subject I am going to be studying has not yet been decided.
Also, I am going to try and reach my objective of finally arranging all my stories and poems into a book format. I have been threatening to do it for ages and even began to do it but then the internet at home gave problems and I somehow managed to delete everything when we were offline. So, now I have to begin again. And this time I am determined to finish what I start ~chuckle~
So, watch this space ~smile~ I shall start writing again.

It is wonderful to be back!!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Character Frenzy!

Dr. Doolittle sure doesn’t have anything on my family! Honestly, one would think that in general animals would behave just as they always have, but ours don’t. Our animals all have character, something quirky which sets them apart from all other animals of their kind.

Take, for instance, our chickens. At this moment in time we only have two, neither of which has a name. We call them Stupid Chicken, referring to them as a single entity although I suppose we could call the one Stupid and the other Chicken. One of these chickens has taken it into it’s little feather brain to lay its egg in one of our dog’s boxes. Normally this wouldn’t pose a problem but she doesn’t do it when the dog isn’t in the box, she does it when he is in there, trying to get some sleep. I don’t know how many times my mother or I have dashed to the door to see what the raucous is all about only to find that the poor dog has been chased out of his bed by a chicken that is one twentieth of his size! Its ridiculous the way she has him completely cowed. I find it quite shameful. The worst of it is that she will lay the egg and then scream and cackle blue murder for us to come and get it, however, when we do get the egg she will be furious because we got it and didn’t let the dog have it. Never mind that both our dogs are offended because they didn’t get the egg. Seriously, jokes aside, this is the truth. It’s almost as though she wants the dog to eat the egg because she laid it especially for him in his own box. What tragedy when we go and steal it for our breakfast.

Next there are the monkeys. No, these are not our pets, I assure you! They are, actually, quite a menace but food has been scarce lately and so they come and pick the figs off our fig tree. This wouldn’t generally be a bad thing and we don’t begrudge the little beggars some food, but they do delight so in teasing our dogs! They have perfected the art of literally barking down at the dogs and then after peeling their fig they throw the peelings down on top of the dogs’ heads. It is quite shameful the way they behave and taunt the poor dogs. Just this morning they gave me another reason to laugh. My parents bought some little rubber balls for the dogs to play with and one of the monkeys had discovered one of these balls on the front lawn. He sat there, completely perplexed, staring at it with his dreamy brown eyes. I stood watching him and after a few moments of contemplation he patted the ball with a cautious paw. I must mention here that the ball has spikes, and a bell in its center. The look on his face when the ball jingled was almost too much for me. I battled so not to laugh out loud because I didn’t want to frighten him away. His curiosity was amusing and reminded me of a small child discovering the delights of a new toy. I watched him in eager anticipation for his next move. He picked up the ball and shook it delicately and the astonishment in his masked face was just too much for me. My laughter bubbled out and I watched as he glanced my way and then held the ball close to his chest while he jumped over the fence and sat on the pole staring at me. Soon there was a whole troop of little monkeys sitting around the pole, listening to the curious jingling of the bell inside the ball. One of them tried to get the ball from the finder but he clutched it close and leapt up into the nearest tree. And the race was then on! All the monkeys started tearing from tree to tree, chasing the leader who held the mysterious blue ball. It was so funny to watch them and my cat and I sat for almost an hour watching their antics.

Our two new dogs are quite in a league of their own as well. They play by themselves and bark and threaten anything that doesn’t belong in the garden, including the worms and the spiders. This afternoon when I took them walking they were shouting insults at the monkeys but when a brave (or just a rather stupid, suicidal) monkey jumped down from the tree right behind them they tucked their tails between their legs, left puddles on the road and ran as fast as their dear, pudgy little legs could carry them! I nearly choked laughing because it was just too funny for words. Honestly, our pets are all completely insane! Perhaps it rubs off from their owners, who knows?

My cat seems to be the only one of our animals that hasn’t gone barmy. She is still as lovable as ever, provided I don’t doctor her wounds with oil or powder and don’t attempt to feed her de-worming tablets. She sits on my lap and purrs deep in her chest, putting her face up now and then for a pat or a kiss. She comes inside for her food in the morning and the evening, sits next to the fridge when she wants a drop of milk and follows me around outside. She still likes having a cuddle in the warm sunshine and loves melted chocolate and hot, buttered toast. And she is still adorable and cute and very much a huge comfort to me, helping me to settle in after being away for so long.

I read Gerald Durrell’s books again and how his family got referred to as a traveling circus. I wonder what people must think of my family and I? Perhaps it is better I do not know ~chuckle~
For better or for worse, though, they are my family and I love them!

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Spooky Ghosts - A figment of imagination

When we first moved up to the farm, we stayed on one of the other farms whilst we waited for our house to be emptied. It was a lot of fun and we made a few casual friends over there with some of the other kids.

There was a lovely little pond in the back garden which is where we spent a lot of our time, monitoring the tadpoles and other little wrigglies. It kept us occupied for many a long afternoon and time always seemed to stand still for us there.

My younger sister and I would make a mad dash through our schoolwork so that we could go outside and play. I’ve never done algebra that quickly before ~chuckle~ I daresay I have never done it more incorrectly either! Being outside was so much more important to me that learning why x+y would equal z. To be frank, since graduating I have never used it again anyway, so I figure it was all a waste of time. Spelling, basic mathematics and home economics…now THAT has been useful to me all the time.

I digress, once again. Its becoming a habit, I am sure of it. Maybe I have digressional disease! Now that would be something. However, before I go into the wonderful impracticalities of such a disease, I shall carry on with the story. Now, where was I? Oh yes…play time.

My sister and I would do our schoolwork, finish our chores and then haul our bicycles out the shed, take identical running leaps onto them and pedal madly down the road. Halfway down the road we’d meet up with two of the neighbours’ children and from there we would go cycling around the whole farm. It was lovely to be hopping rocks, trying to wheelie down a straight stretch or just going as fast as was possible for our legs to go. Often times we would split up and see how long it would take us to relay around the farm. We’d spend about three hours cycling around and then out of mutual consensus we would stop at the creepy looking house down the road.

This house was really old and the gate creaked as you opened it. The latch was broken and so it was tied shut with a piece of rusty old wire. This was creepy and scary all on its own to a bunch of little kids, never mind that as you progressed down the pathway it became quieter and even the birds stopped singing.

On this particular day we had decided to play truth, dare or command. Unfailingly, we all chose dare and the big dare was that we were to go into the house and prove that we were brave and that there were no ghosts there. Popular rumour had it that the house was haunted by a girl and her grandfather who were supposed to have died there.

So, the four of us plucked up our courage, sucked in our breath and very bravely, knees knocking and hearts beating wildly, we walked through the little squeaky gate and crept up the pathway to the house. When we got to the front door it was touch and go but we decided we’d come this far already so we went inside.

It was extremely dark until our eyes got used to the murky darkness. In the first room we walked into (and the only room we walked into) there was a huge hole in the floor where someone had made a fire on the floorboards. Dumb or what?! The windows were mostly broken and boarded up with planks, which was why it was so dark inside. I was examining the fireplace and the strange white powder that was all around it, when a loud shriek was heard, followed by a grunt and in no time at all we were all outside trying to calm our rattled nerves and vowing never to go in there again.

We got on our bicycles and sped off, leaving a trail of dust and pine cones behind us.

Turns out that one of the guys thought it would be hilarious to let drape a reed over one of the girls and then let out a moan. It was enough to send her into shrieking hysterics which gave the rest of us a huge fright. Hilarious! Well, it wasn’t then but it is now. It’s amazing what sort of silly stories one believes when you’re young. The house never was haunted, obviously, it was just old. Also, we could have been seriously injured had we ventured into the next room because all the floor boards were rotten and if we had stood on them they would have collapsed and we would have fallen through into the basement, which had a lot of broken glass in it. So, just as well we got scared off!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Home Sweet Home

In the deepest, darkest reaches of middle Africa...just kidding! Actually, on the Southern tip of Africa, in a very sunny part of that tip, Angel Weed once again settles herself down to write. And then, out of nowhere, a question attacks her and breaks her thought processes and forces her to once again stand up and make her way to the kitchen where a pile (seriously, a PILE) of dishes awaits to be washed and scrubbed and polished clean.
~sigh~ Our work is never done, it never is! I've been in that kitchen ALL week washing dishes, doing some cooking and doing more washing up. Oh well, there you go, its life. Yippee yay!

Seriously, though, I was going to sit down and write this loooong intricate story but will have to cut that short until next time.

I'll be back, stay tuned ~chuckle~

P.S. I am back in South Africa, just in case you didn't catch that from the first sentence. Couldn't stand the weather in England :)